Another day has passed in the country of shadows. where politics is mainly hidden. if not entirely ignored. Assuming you can interpret the puffs of smoke. The new global order is this one. Every major choice made behind closed doors. All that's left is a puppet performance that is incorporated into interpretive dance. The show must go on, even in Westminster.

Consider the Tory leadership election. Now in its second phase, Priti Patel was written off last week. In this case, the blind are in the forefront. The gameshow competitors can no longer road-test their policies at public events. Rather, we are dealing with a private hustings that is only visible to Tory MPs.

However, it appears that not even the five remaining Lucky Candidates are aware of what is happening. They were unaware of the event's true start time of 4.15 p.m. and its format until they arrived, which was just before 4 p.m. Clearly, the organisers had made the decision to keep them in the dark. Make sure they are alert. according to need-to-know. Conversely, if the 1922 Committee was in the dark about the proceedings, there was less likelihood that the contestants would show up prepared. Brewery and piss-up sprang to mind.

 The Tories are that deranged. Somehow or other whoever eventually gets elected has to unite the Conservatives. No one can see exactly how. They all seem to hate each other as much as the country hates them.All this was observed by me and two other journalists. Without us, the Tories wouldn’t even have known they were really there. Call it a public service. At about 4.15pm, sensing there was not going to be a late surge of Tory MPs, the chair of the 1922 Committee summoned the Lucky Five into the room.

They still didn’t really have a clue what to expect. There was some polite banging on the desk – more a Pavlovian response than genuine enthusiasm – and then the first question. Why are we here? No one had a clue. Tomorrow the Lucky Five become the Lucky Four.

Meanwhile, Labour was going through its own private rituals. First in cabinet, from which it was revealed that there had been “zero dissent on the withdrawal of the winter fuel allowance”. Somehow that was not reassuring. More of a feel of a Stalinist politburo in which everyone is terrified, than an outbreak of warm-hearted consensus.

There was to be no concession. No change. Everyone must be happy. Rictus smiles. All a bit forced. Just like Labour’s hope that everyone would take up pension credit instead. Thereby saving the government precisely nothing. From a cut that was designed to save money.Still, Rachel Reeves did make the token gesture of addressing Labour MPs late in the day. A stroke of largesse from the Ministering Angel of Death. Not that she was there to change her mind. More to let everyone know she wouldn’t. But also to say that she really wanted to do her bit for pensioners. So every speech she made from now on would be accompanied by a phone number for the Samaritans helpline. If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this sketch call 116 123.

Over in the Commons there were a few brief signs of normal political life. But ones that showed the opposition is in even worse shape than previously imagined. It really doesn’t have a clue how to effectively oppose. It’s heard of this thing called an Urgent Question, but has no idea what to do with them.

On Monday it was the turn of the shadow health secretary, Victoria Atkins, to make an idiot of herself. She had asked for a UQ on Wes Streeting’s decision to ask the former health secretary Alan Milburn for advice. “Er, hello,” said Wes. Unlike the Tories he wasn’t too proud to ask experts for help.

Atkins retorted, "The health secretary ought to be knowledgeable about their actions." "I did that always." An enormous pile-on occurred because Atkins had been an incredibly ineffective health secretary. Despite not being significantly worse than any of her Tory forebears. Streeting saw it as an open goal and proceeded to enumerate the most extreme instances of Tory favouritism. 

Unbelievably, Atkins believes she has a good chance of succeeding Honest Bob as leader and taking over as shadow chancellor. The work of Rachel Reeves has just gotten a lot simpler.