.jpg)
.svg)
The other day, as I arrived at work, an unexpected incident caught my attention and sparked reflection on the various ways humans behave. I encountered a teenage boy who, despite being at an age when most of his peers were preparing for college, was high and barely able to keep his balance. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state struck a chord with me and set my mind racing.
Why did he behave that way? This question stayed in my thoughts and prompted me to explore the underlying reasons for human behaviors. Over the next two weeks, I immersed myself in this puzzling topic, diving into the insights of Adlerian psychology, a framework introduced by Austrian philosopher and psychologist Alfred Adler.
As I unraveled a complex web of influences behind human behaviors, I became captivated by the idea that our behaviors are goal-oriented. The goal is to feel important. This innate desire to be great or something is what every human is born with. This very desire or goal is the main reason behind how we behave toward others.
Only to achieve this goal do we engage in proper behavior, and sometimes misbehave. This drive, although sometimes misguided, is our attempt to feel significant. When we feel unseen, unappreciated, or powerless, we seek belonging through mistaken goals—attention, control, revenge, or withdrawal.
To delve deeper into the reasons behind our
misbehaviors, which philosopher Adler called problem behavior, I discovered
that it involves five stages.
The demand for recognition
Every human is naturally designed to seek
approval from others. It is part of our inherent character. The first stage of
the goal involves the demand for admiration. At this stage, people desire
praise from others. They behave well to gain praise and a privileged status
within the community. However, when they fail to receive admiration or
recognition for their good behavior or efforts, they become dissatisfied and
resentful, losing motivation to behave properly. At this point, they may turn
to improper behavior unless someone punishes them. This becomes their goal too.
The desire for attention
When praise is not received, desperation
grows, and some think it's okay not to be praised but to make themselves stand
out. They do bad things to be rebuked, seeking attention. Their focus shifts
from praise to just standing out or being seen as special. At this stage,
humans often break minor societal rules. The reason for such behaviours: we
crave attention from others.
Resistance
At this stage, individuals want to demonstrate their strength by refusing to yield to anyone. They aim to attain a special status. They may use foul language, become enraged or violent, and break rules without hesitation. They disobey regardless of rebukes—they just want to show their power and prove their worth.
Revenge
When they fail to attain a special status,
they seek revenge against those who do not recognize or love them. They realize
their craving for love will go unmet and start seeking hatred instead. If you
don't love me, at least hate me. They crave attention through conflict. By this
stage, they may be hated and feared, leading to social isolation. Despite this,
they believe they are special. They do not necessarily commit crimes but may
repeat behaviors that others dislike, self-harm, or socially withdraw, trying
to stand out. Eventually, some start committing crimes.
Proof of incompetence
When all attempts to be special fail, they begin to prove their incompetence, saying, 'Don't expect anything from me. I'm incompetent.' They may become depressed and try to prove their worthlessness, often calling themselves stupid. At this point, some may suffer from mental health issues.
These five stages are common patterns we can see in most people; however some others fall outside the scope of the patterns and we human beings can change and adapt to any situation by learning from experience, recover from injury, and adjust to new situations throughout life, thanks to the neuroplasticity of our brains. Therefore, these patterns can not stop us from correcting our behaviours at any stage of our lives; what matters is our willingness to change ourselves.
Md Enamul Hassan is a Bangladeshi journalist
based in England.
